Funny One Liners [Excellent Quotes]

By Karthi

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.

Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.

Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you’re told.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

If you haven’t much education you must use your brain.

If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.

Learn from your parents’ mistakes: use birth control.

Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.

What’s the speed of dark?

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.

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